Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
