Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
