I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
