how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
