i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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