so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
