guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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