so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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