ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
