worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's get the cat blown out
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
