She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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