I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
