i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This house was built for laser tag.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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