What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
