I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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