His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
