My liver just broke up with me...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
