whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
