I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
