I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
