Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
