I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
