I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
40s are totally the cure
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
