whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
