he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
