my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
