do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
