Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
