you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
