she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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