I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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