Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
