It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
