and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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