You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
