Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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