OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
