Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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