dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
