apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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