My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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