somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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