so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
