Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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