Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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