you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
