sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
