if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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