Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
