FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
