love makes seman taste better
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
