btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.