Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.

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(207): We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math. http://tfl.nu/vxcn

Replies (85) Good night (1600) Bad night (609)
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(607): View more from New York

You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?

(405): View more from Oklahoma

No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.

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(607): You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar? (405): No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before. http://tfl.nu/y495

Replies (6) Good night (798) Bad night (1643)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?

(845): View more from New York

Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.

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(302): Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one? (845): Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides. http://tfl.nu/6dzh

Replies (125) Good night (4984) Bad night (790)
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(334): View more from Alabama

after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'

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(334): after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in' http://tfl.nu/hpim

Replies (13) Good night (1191) Bad night (4787)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.

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(519): Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil. http://tfl.nu/3ein

Replies (69) Good night (12241) Bad night (1097)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over

(314): View more from Missouri

you can't hurt those

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(314): I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over (314): you can't hurt those http://tfl.nu/gmcq

Replies (7) Good night (4696) Bad night (1163)
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(813): View more from Florida

im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.

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(813): im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots. http://tfl.nu/i8ur

Replies (5) Good night (4128) Bad night (1652)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.

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(812): Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs. http://tfl.nu/yev1

Replies (9) Good night (3134) Bad night (1099)
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(214): View more from Texas

ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.

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(214): ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room. http://tfl.nu/r3lr

Replies (11) Good night (544) Bad night (1344)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

that is an amazing summary hahaha

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(847): I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day. (1-847): that is an amazing summary hahaha http://tfl.nu/zrw7

Replies (6) Good night (1695) Bad night (1118)
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(716): View more from New York

I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.

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(716): I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king. http://tfl.nu/29xr

Replies (7) Good night (1440) Bad night (625)
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(303): View more from Colorado

New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...

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(303): New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later... http://tfl.nu/qijg

Replies (4) Good night (1049) Bad night (402)
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(925): View more from California

Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.

(1-925): View more from California

Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.

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(925): Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles. (1-925): Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive. http://tfl.nu/bo4j

Replies (1) Good night (538) Bad night (337)
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(260): View more from Indiana

As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home

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(260): As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home http://tfl.nu/2g79

Replies (8) Good night (942) Bad night (240)
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(512): View more from Texas

I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....

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(512): I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex.... http://tfl.nu/br3k

Replies (1) Good night (809) Bad night (229)

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