I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes