Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.

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  (407): Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007. http://tfl.nu/n4mi
  Replies (9) Good night (3056) Bad night (698)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.

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  (616): theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary. http://tfl.nu/ecj4
  Replies (25) Good night (4411) Bad night (740)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.

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  (970): If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car. http://tfl.nu/glcf
  Replies (6) Good night (816) Bad night (3148)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!

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  (615): Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY! http://tfl.nu/jz8m
  Replies (21) Good night (845) Bad night (4100)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?

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  (860): is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me? http://tfl.nu/7vt8
  Replies (19) Good night (4728) Bad night (1088)
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  (323): View more from California

  Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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  (323): Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy. http://tfl.nu/58l0
  Replies (6) Good night (3482) Bad night (737)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."

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  (412): It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus." http://tfl.nu/ftkz
  Replies (4) Good night (2160) Bad night (642)
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  (707): View more from California

  Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis

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  (707): Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis http://tfl.nu/prx7
  Replies (5) Good night (847) Bad night (2669)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.

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  (919): It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed. http://tfl.nu/521h
  Replies (9) Good night (3123) Bad night (1139)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.

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  (607): Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night. http://tfl.nu/v41h
  Replies (6) Good night (2302) Bad night (662)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.

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  (412): so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head? (724): stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final. http://tfl.nu/zs0y
  Replies (2) Good night (1348) Bad night (350)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..

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  (740): I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now.. http://tfl.nu/kgaa
  Replies (2) Good night (792) Bad night (210)
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  (341): View more from California

  I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.

  (341): View more from California

  But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade

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  (341): I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room. (341): But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade http://tfl.nu/5zu3
  Replies (13) Good night (698) Bad night (371)
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  (315): View more from New York

  we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?

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  (315): we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered? http://tfl.nu/k5ls
  Replies (10) Good night (593) Bad night (261)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick

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  (713): I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick http://tfl.nu/vk4p
  Replies (2) Good night (629) Bad night (184)

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