look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.