I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.