I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.