I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub