your room smells of hookers.
And success
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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