she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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