you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We're too hungover to prance.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
