I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
