I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
