haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
