David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
