Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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