so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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