If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
