You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
