I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
