I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
