my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
