my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
