dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need a burrito and a hug.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
