I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
