Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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