Just fell off a train. Bad.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
