you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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