he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
