dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
